Prayer Buddy Revealed

So I waited until today to reveal my prayer buddy. I have a package to send out and I wanted to send it last week but wanted to get to a special shop in town before sending. So I have collected my items, prayed like the dickens and hope I can continue for God to bless her.
My prayer buddy is the misfit. I wanted to keep her real name private, like me, she may have reason. I offered many sufferings and prayers and rosaries and hope that God answers her prayers. I will be sending her package out and while it was hard not to take away pain, I prayed more and cried more in hopes that her burden would be lifted.
I was happy to see her love of vintage decor, etc. as this is my background in my "earlier career" which led me to the designer I am now. I love toile, chenille, shabby decor and anything eclectic and different.
Easter was nice. We went to the traditional Mass yesterday, the reading of the passion on Friday and Holy Thursday Mass at our parish. We were not able to get to stations on Friday night because it took so long to get into Cincinnati with all the holiday traffic. We spent a bit of time with friends and family yesterday and all was good. This Lent was tumultuous but if that is what God needs from me, to get me to His Kingdom, then I will go and follow. Losing an inheritance is a game changer. It will change the way we live, it may keep me from homeschooling, I may have to go back to my college days and wait tables, I don't know yet. I want to fight for what is ours but the other siblings of my husband's are doing nothing and he was not my grandfather. I don't want to live with the regret we did nothing.
I am trying to find positives and be happy for all the baby announcements and births around me. Don't fault me or think I am being a whiner, I am being honest. I know my situation is different. I have three live children, I lost 4 to miscarriage and at my age, don't know if I will ever conceive or carry a child to term again. I now pray for God's will and hope that I can provide a sibling for my "typical" daughter who is the only one without autism. I see her pain and loneliness everyday and I offer it up to God for all the intentions I can. So, I will stay on my unique path. I will continue to pray for my IF catholic blogger friends, like I do everyday and hope in the end we all find God's will in our tears.
On a happy note, feel free to run around and hit the men in your life with a pussy willow branch today. When we lived in Buffalo, we learned of this wierd custom on Easter Monday. Yes, it's Śmigus-Dyngus Day! Everybody party!

Holy Week, Prayer Buddy wrap up

Just a quick post. I have been very busy with school and my progesterone levels being super nuts have made me tired and dizzy most days. I peaked on CD11??? Wha?? That's odd. I don't read any symptoms anymore because it stresses me out and I get frustrated.
I have kept my lenten promises the best I could. I'm sure I could have done more(I always feel that way) but with the death in the family, more pregnancy announcements(not mine..lol) and stress over homeschool, I am also a realist. So I prayed for my prayer buddy and I am sending her package tonight.I hope it gets there before Easter but I may send an email on Easter just to say it's on its way in case it runs late. I am so tired as I write this. It is the "staring at walls" hour for me when I have to do something to get energy to carry on. I keep rubbing my eyes like a sleepy toddler.
On the political front, I have been following Trey Grayson's campaign more closely. I wish I had more time to volunteer, it's a bad time of year with school, grades and busyness. Politics is wearing me thin. I'm tired of the Tea Party, tired of the libertarian thing and need a respite from it all. I plan on spending the next two days with family and at church. I need to spend time with Jesus this week.
I prayed for all my blog friends with troubled pregnancies, miscarriage infertility and special crosses every day during Lent. I hope God hears your prayers and answers.

Everyone I know is...

...either pregnant or just had a baby. I can only think of 2-3 women I know(closely) that are not. All ages, all faiths...you name it. Sigh. Here's the thing. I have had bouts of being sad, upset, depressed, anxious, pretty much the gamut of emotions but I finally learned this impulse thing that is helping. I look in the mirror and think "I trust you Lord". All the IF blogs I visit have reflections on this issue, everyone handles it different. I am a different breed of IF since mine is secondary and now has more to do with age than anything else(at least that's what I think). Also, I have children, I have had miscarriage. I don't know of many women that blog from that perspective. I do it for therapeutic reasons and also hope to help someone out there that feels they don't fit in anywhere else. Three miscarriages may not seem like a lot to some but it is plenty for me. I relive the pain daily and try not to let it control me. I want to find good in it. I sometimes grieve more for my family. My daughter wants a baby badly and she is not shy about telling me often. I know she feels lonely, I want God to lead me wherever I need to be for help. I feel I am with the right doctor. I know I am doing the best I can with all I have on my plate to be open to life always.
After my first miscarriage, I had a strong sign from God that I would have another child. Since then, Mr. Thorn's mother told us(before she died) we would have more children. I feel like God is constantly giving me signs to hang in there even when the odds seem so dismal. So I look in the mirror and tell God I trust and hang on. I have even prayed that God take this desire away if it is not meant to be. So if anyone is going through or has gone through something similar, I know, I've been there. With two special needs sons, people wonder why I would possibly want more children. Because God has given me that desire and will not take it away.
Mr. Thorn's grandfather passed away Friday. Things have been more emotional around here since Friday. That's to be expected but frustrating.
I had a lot to offer up for my prayer buddy this week. We are also praying our family rosary for her. I want to help others and often the internet makes me feel, well, helpless. I am good at praying for bloggers though. It is painful when you can't comfort them or feel you might say the wrong thing. Lent is always an interesting journey for me. Usually full of events or drama...I doubt this year will be any different.

Prayer Buddy and Lent thoughts

Been very busy and suffice it to say, Lent went off with a bang. Day before Ash Wednesday my eye was swollen shut. Ash Wednesday I was so looking forward to Mass in the evening and I got a huge pain across my back in the shoulder blades that kept me from walking much and unable to sit up without a heating pad, missed Mass and cried. So my prayer buddy(picked from Sew Infertile's blog) has some wonderful "offering it up" items :) We have decided to say the rosary every day during Lent as a family so she will have those prayers too. I prayer very hard for my infertile blog friends, hope this goes well.
I am having the kids make Lenten calendars and a Lenten jar to help us. I told them I want Jesus to transform them during Lent. Sometimes, I don't think kids realize when they are being selfish or impulsive. The boys have so much to work on there, approaching the puberty years will not be fun. I have been warned.
So tomorrow we are hoping to go to stations and maybe a fish fry. The youngest Thorn's birthday party is this weekend so lots to do there, too.
I am balancing so much, new business ventures and trying to stay on top of homeschool. Sometimes I look back at the week and wonder how I got it all in. I don't get to blog as much, not as much personal time. I can handle that. I keep telling God I can't do this alone and not to leave me. Sometimes the wonder of God chokes me up and I cry. That's okay, huh? It's getting to crying every Sunday at Mass. I cried when I told the kids about the gift of their Catholic faith today. If I cry and they get it, it must be working.