Sunday, February 28, 2010

Everyone I know is...

...either pregnant or just had a baby. I can only think of 2-3 women I know(closely) that are not. All ages, all name it. Sigh. Here's the thing. I have had bouts of being sad, upset, depressed, anxious, pretty much the gamut of emotions but I finally learned this impulse thing that is helping. I look in the mirror and think "I trust you Lord". All the IF blogs I visit have reflections on this issue, everyone handles it different. I am a different breed of IF since mine is secondary and now has more to do with age than anything else(at least that's what I think). Also, I have children, I have had miscarriage. I don't know of many women that blog from that perspective. I do it for therapeutic reasons and also hope to help someone out there that feels they don't fit in anywhere else. Three miscarriages may not seem like a lot to some but it is plenty for me. I relive the pain daily and try not to let it control me. I want to find good in it. I sometimes grieve more for my family. My daughter wants a baby badly and she is not shy about telling me often. I know she feels lonely, I want God to lead me wherever I need to be for help. I feel I am with the right doctor. I know I am doing the best I can with all I have on my plate to be open to life always.
After my first miscarriage, I had a strong sign from God that I would have another child. Since then, Mr. Thorn's mother told us(before she died) we would have more children. I feel like God is constantly giving me signs to hang in there even when the odds seem so dismal. So I look in the mirror and tell God I trust and hang on. I have even prayed that God take this desire away if it is not meant to be. So if anyone is going through or has gone through something similar, I know, I've been there. With two special needs sons, people wonder why I would possibly want more children. Because God has given me that desire and will not take it away.
Mr. Thorn's grandfather passed away Friday. Things have been more emotional around here since Friday. That's to be expected but frustrating.
I had a lot to offer up for my prayer buddy this week. We are also praying our family rosary for her. I want to help others and often the internet makes me feel, well, helpless. I am good at praying for bloggers though. It is painful when you can't comfort them or feel you might say the wrong thing. Lent is always an interesting journey for me. Usually full of events or drama...I doubt this year will be any different.


Lisa Graas said...

Hi, I am a Catholic convert and a blogger in Grayson County. A friend who reads your blog from Arizona sent me your blog link because she noticed your Bill Johnson logo. I'm going to add you to Blogs for Johnson. I just linked back to you from my own blog, too.

My blog is called Mommy
I manage the blog list at Blogs for Johnson.

You can send me an email through my email contact link at the top of the Mommy blog. Thanks and God bless you!!


WheelbarrowRider said...

I am a mommy IF blogger, though I don't blog too much on the mommy end right now. I agree that 3 miscarriages is plenty! I have had 2 and no more-thank you very much!
I am sorry about the grandfather passing.
I have been told by Dr. Toth (ob/gyn and pathologist that specializes in infections) that he really feels it it health of things and not the age that matters. He deals a lot with secondary IF. My recent blog post actually deals with this and some resources if you are interested.
Praying that this will look up soon!

Jackie Parkes MJ said...

I suffered 2 miscarriages which affected me really made no difference I already had children..I will pray for you..God bless

doctorgianna said...

Sometimes those of us with secondary infertility/miscarriage (I have 1 live child and 4 babies in heaven) don't fit in anywhere. Especially since the secular world sees 2 children as the perfect sized family. I've always wondered how many others would suffer from secondary infertility and multiple miscarriage if they wouldn't get their tubes tied after 2 children.