So sorry for too long

Life got crazy. What else can I say. This is the busy time of year for my business and we just wrapped up our 1st quarter and preparing for a trade show in Columbus on Thursday. That should be interesting. I'm getting samples ready and finishing up the kids grades for the quarter. My homeschool office isn't real quick at responding to phone calls so grades were due today and I have nada on the tech side to file. We are busy preparing for that, Christmas, trying to stay above water with homeschool...its all a bit nuts. I don't worry about politics and the world as much because I', so stinking busy. Maybe that's good, we shall see. I will be having a blog giveaway in the next week to celebrate St. Nicks Day, which we love here in Cincinnati. It will be something cool and hopefully a few choices. I feel like I have neglected my blog. Snif. I miss it and sometimes I need an outlet when things seem to be a whirlwind.
Christmas is close. I don't like cold. I will stand the cold for baby Jesus. :)

So that's where they went...

I had a rough night. My cycle started after three weeks(from the D&C) and it was not pretty. The cramping and other unmentionables are not what I had anticipated. As a result, we missed early Mass and decided to head over to Sacred Heart in Camp Washington. I had wondered where some of my fellow parish members had gone(from years ago, in a once orthodox parish near me) and also those who I knew from the Cathedral and St. Bernard's. They are going to Sacred Heart. It seemed as if half the church, which was PACKED, was filled with familiar faces from Kentucky. I admit that I do love that church and feel quite at home there(the schola is amazing, too). I felt so horrid this morning, I only wanted to feel well enough to walk and get to Mass.
I prayed about some things weighing heavy on my heart and one was answered within minutes after leaving Mass(spooky). I need some hope and something to cling to, even if just for awhile. Just to get over this hump of sorrow. I realize how much I appreciate my kids this week. I was feeling lonely and scared, not knowing what will happen in the future...it helped to look at how they took in Christmas. I try to remind myself to live in the present(the way Mother Angelica does) then I remember how hard it is when sorrow or regret creeps in. So I did the best I could. I cried...sometimes out of nowhere. Most of my family understood. I didn't want to be a killjoy or bummer, I just collected myself and thought about baby Jesus(which sometimes made me cry, too).
I had a half hour of chaos on Christmas morning that was the culmination of anger, fury and frustration. It was enough to send me to confession after Mass on Thursday. I keep telling myself "this too shall pass" and try to find all the things to be thankful for in my life. I post this mess of thoughts and experiences to help those who may think infertility or recurrent miscarriage is something no one should talk about. It is unique in the life of a "real" Catholic woman in that we cannot use all the sinful methods of conceiving or carrying on. It is easy to feel isolated or hopeless because most of us do not have family or friends that understand our pain. It is hard in my case because I have children and everyone says "be thankful you have three". I have never said I am not thankful. Miscarriage makes me more thankful but it also causes more grieving at the loss of babies I will never hold. There is a bizarre shame that I can't even put into words. So there, that's how I feel and that's what is in my brain. It's not pretty but it's honest.

Traditional Mass Schedule in Covington Diocese

I post this to help locals and those in town for Christmas. All Saints in Walton, KY will have an EF Mass Christmas morning at 9:15 am. There will also be an EF on January 1st at 9:15 as well as January 3(first Saturday) at the same time. Have a blessed and holy Christmas!

He is just amazing.

Pope: crisis helps restore simplicity to Christmas

Benedict says the crisis can help people to rediscover what he calls "the warmth, simplicity, friendship and solidarity" contained in authentic Christmas values.

Amen.

A new week. Sort of.

Yes, I know it's Wednesday. I had some set backs in the pain and recovery category. I have orders to get out for Christmas so I have to get my big girl pants on and do it no matter how I feel. I had my hair foiled and cut today and feel better about facing people in public. I couldn't bring myself to color my hair while I was pregnant. Now I need to get everything completed before the kids are out for break. I'm trying to accept that I will probably feel pregnant for a bit to come. My hcg was so insanely high, that it may take a few weeks. I go back for a checkup on Monday to see if everything is shrinking and such. I don't feel social. Going anywhere is a chore and I feel bad that it is. I'm not just "getting over it". Sleep is the only thing that distracts me from my emotions. I don't feel like I get enough of it and I am still so tired all the time. We have a "holiday party" to attend tomorrow. I may have to take a pain pill to muddle through it but I have to do it for my kids. Thinking of baby Jesus makes me cry...I have no idea what my emotions will be like come next week. Did Mary know what was ahead? About the suffering and sacrifice? I wonder how much God revealed in her heart or how she felt with such a burden? I don't want Christmas to make me sad but it is. Just where my brain and heart are this year. Maybe it will change.

It's like a little willage.

I have a collection of these myself, some plastic, some paper. If you are a fan or admirer, you will appreciate this site:
"Papa Ted's Place!"
There are other places that offer how-to's and collections(like The Vermont Country Store). One day when my kids aren't into touching everything tiny or interesting, I may either make or purchase some more. See, I'm still in Christmas mode. I won't get over it until the Epiphany. Or the cookies run out.

Cause I don't want coal...

The latest conversation with the littlest Thorn went like this:

"Um, I think I will really try to behave today"
"Oh?"
"Yeah, cause I really, really, really don't want coal"
"Huh. Well why is that?"
"Because it is messy and when I play with it, you would yell at me for making a mess"
"Really? I didn't think of that."
"Yeah but I plan on giving it to _____(her oldest brother) because he would really like it if I do get coal"
"Sounds like you have it all worked out then"

EF Mass for Christmas, St. Bernard Church

For the locals, or those who will be visiting family in Cincinnati or Covington, the Traditional Latin Mass/Extraordinary Form will be at 11 am Christmas Morning at St. Bernard in Dayton, Kentucky. I'm sure it will be glorious! Here is the parish website if you need directions:
St. Bernard

Scenes from Downtown

Gingerbread display of Cincinnati buildings.
Duke Energy Train display.
Duke Energy Train display.
Fountain Square nativity.
We took the kids to Downtown Cincinnati on Thursday. It was low key because most people were working so we just wandered around a bit. You can click on the photos to see them much bigger.

I've been quiet because...

I got another one home sick and I'm still sick. Eh. I am also trying to get Christmas orders out as quickly as possible. I'm trying to work on Christmas, Spring and next Fall all at the same time. I hope to look back and laugh at this moment in time at some point. Right now, caffeine is my friend during the day and NyQuil in the evening. Back to work...

This Little Babe

In my senior year of high school, some of us performed with the All-State Chorus in Lexington. While I was working tonight I found one of the songs we performed and the lyrics are quite powerful. I don't think they would allow such a religiously fervent tune in a state-run festival in this day and age.

This Little Babe

This little Babe, so few days old,
Has come rifle Satan's fold.
All hell doth at his presence quake
Tho' he Himself with cold doth shake.
For in this weak unarmed wise
The gates of hell he will surprise.

With tears he fights, and wins the field
His naked breast stands for a shield
His battering shot are babish cries
His arrows looks of weeping eyes
His martial engines Cold and Need
And feeble Flesh his warrior's steed.

His camp is pitched in stall
His bulwark but a broken wall
His crib his trench, haystacks his stakes;
Of shepherds He his muster makes
and thus, as sure his foe to wound,
the angels' trumps alarums sound.

My soul with Christ, join thou in fight,
Stick to the tents that he hath pight,
Within his crib is surest ward,
this little babe will be thy guard.
If thou wilt foil thy foes with joy,
then flit not from this heavenly Boy.

Robert Southwell (1561-1595)

Now THAT is a Christmas song! Yes, I know. It's Spring.