Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A new week. Sort of.

Yes, I know it's Wednesday. I had some set backs in the pain and recovery category. I have orders to get out for Christmas so I have to get my big girl pants on and do it no matter how I feel. I had my hair foiled and cut today and feel better about facing people in public. I couldn't bring myself to color my hair while I was pregnant. Now I need to get everything completed before the kids are out for break. I'm trying to accept that I will probably feel pregnant for a bit to come. My hcg was so insanely high, that it may take a few weeks. I go back for a checkup on Monday to see if everything is shrinking and such. I don't feel social. Going anywhere is a chore and I feel bad that it is. I'm not just "getting over it". Sleep is the only thing that distracts me from my emotions. I don't feel like I get enough of it and I am still so tired all the time. We have a "holiday party" to attend tomorrow. I may have to take a pain pill to muddle through it but I have to do it for my kids. Thinking of baby Jesus makes me cry...I have no idea what my emotions will be like come next week. Did Mary know what was ahead? About the suffering and sacrifice? I wonder how much God revealed in her heart or how she felt with such a burden? I don't want Christmas to make me sad but it is. Just where my brain and heart are this year. Maybe it will change.


allyouwhohope said...

I think pondering Mary's life in your situation is a wonderful idea and maybe God is drawing you into that. God knows you are suffering this Christmas and you have good reason. You are in my prayers.

Lily said...

This has helped me a lot through the years, here is a beautiful photo essay by another blogger. Mary will help you through this.

Jackie Parkes said...

Your feelings are entirely normal..every blessing to you this Christmas..will keep you in my prayers.