Friday, December 12, 2008
A shower of roses
I wanted to share a story of what happened this week that is special and gave me so much hope.
When I found out about the twins on Tuesday, I was so consumed with fear and grief, I couldn't find comfort or hope. I was in shock, so much more than my past two miscarriages. Later that evening, I asked St. Therese if it was possible, could she please have a rose sent to me in hope that my journey as a mother was not over. I felt so guilty for asking, couldn't sleep. I never ask for signs or confirmation, I worry about not feeling worthy or risking disappointment. I was truly desperate and finally cried until I fell asleep around 5 am.
I went through all the motions the next day, scheduling my D&C, reading, spent some time with my mom...basically, I went through Wednesday and even Thursday before I came home today and looked in the sky. It was dreary and snowy but there were small holes of blue with sun streaming down and I immediately thought it was my dear babies, showing me the light through a very dark time. In my heart, it felt like a "don't cry mommy, we are waiting for you". I cried but I felt a bit of peace.
When I came home, it was back to the couch and the heating pad and my eyes fell to the beautiful flowers my friend brought to the hospital. St. Therese! I was in pain but scrambled to the flowers and searched for a rose. Oh my! There were 4 rosebuds in pale cream with pink tips...I kept looking. 3 small deep rose hued ones that looked a bit worn but had opened fully. It was all 7 of my babies! The buds that never fully opened and the 3 with me, fully bloomed and a bit tattered but all were fragrant. I was so amazed, I had to catch my breath. I cried and cried. She remembered and I remembered! I am still overwhelmed that God would give me a glimmer of hope and comfort. I still feel so unworthy and small(and still guilty for asking).
Once I got a hold of myself, I called my friend and could barely get through the story without both of us crying. She then told me about the sunset last night. The sky was streaked with red and orange and both my mom and friend said it was amazing and surreal. I didn't see it but she took a picture of it to share. So that is my story of hope. I took a picture of the flowers and will share this week once I download them. Thank you, St. Therese, for prayers answered.