Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Finding hope during Lent

My last post was all technical and depressing. I know that(I didn't say it was hopeful or happy). I need to keep up with this blog for my sanity now. I didn't realize how fragile that is when you have to hunt to find hope in a hopeless environment. I was crying last night to Mr. Thorn that I feel like I have failed at being a wife, a mother, a teacher and a business owner. I can't be spread this thin for this many years. I feel very solitary when I feel everyone has a new baby or is pregnant. I want to be happy for everyone, I want to feel nothing but what a supportive friend would feel.
My kids had to live through this whole death/expensive funeral/disinheritance thing with Mr. Thorn and I and it is showing in their behavior. Acting out, not motivated to do school work, etc. They were even being disrespectful at my mom's yesterday(it was awful). So last night I told Mr. Thorn that we need to find a way to build our family back up, find some peace in our home and pray that God helps us recover financially from the blow we have been dealt. I am finding so much comfort reading IF/MC blogs and offering up my suffering for them. Otherwise, I feel my pain is in vain. I always pray for my family who have not yet accepted Christ and those away from the church but I never see any change there, so I keep praying and try not to let discouragement overwhelm me.
One prayer was answered, sort of. I asked God to allow the truth to come out about this whole inheritance thing and it is almost there. There are still many unanswered questions but most of he family knows this old lady took us all to the cleaners. For whatever that is worth.
I have to muster the strength to carry on and teach and get on the ball with my business and hope God will carry me because I am totally incapable of doing anything with conviction or purpose right now.

3 comments:

Agnes B Bullock said...

Get a lawyer, especially now that the truth is revealing itself.

Jackie Parkes MJ said...

I hear your suffering..I will pray..

Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Oh just noticed..can you update my blog to the catholicmomof10militant please?