Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Knock. it. off.

So tonight, I'm busily pumping out orders, sewing away. All of a sudden, it hits me. I don't get to stop doing this, slow down or focus on my family. Ever. Ever is a long time. Ever to me equals 90. So then the water starts, I can't stop crying. I mean I seriously couldn't stop. In just a single moment, our dreams of homeschool bliss, mommy baking in the kitchen, working in the yard, taking the kids to the park, all the stuff other moms get to do, poof. Then I got really angry. I finished my orders, came up to the classroom, logged into some newsie sites to see what I missed and oddly enough, had a moment of pleasure. I decided the old woman who took our family's fortune, her daughter looks a lot like Nancy Pelosi. I felt a bit better. That is just wrong on so many levels but I suppose I am desperate for some comic relief.
So I am having a glass of Cabernet, trying to get my mind off my woes, I'm P+12 and wishing I wasn't weeping because CD1 is near. I actually had to make a to do list because I have so many loose ends, I knew I would forget something. Actually, I even prayed that God would touch the heart of the old woman who ripped us off and make her feel remorseful for stealing from us. She definitely needs prayers for her soul. Stealing is stealing is stealing and I would not want to confront God after that big of a crime/sin. We are talking mortal with a capital M.
So, now I think my best plan would be to keep myself as busy as possible so the tears stay at bay. I would love to carry a baby to term and bring it home to be with us forever, I would love to just be a mom and a wife for once and I would love to find a way to bring peace to our home. So God, if you think any of this might be possible(or if I am asking for too much), let me know. I truly am ready for God to lead me. I just want to have a tiny flower of hope. Somewhere. Anywhere.


Leila said...

This is all so awful. I am so sorry. Is there any legal recourse that you are willing to pursue? Praying for you.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

This is exactly why I never expect ANYTHING from ANY relative, no matter how much money they may have. I just figure I have to make my own way and never ever depend on any of that junk. It's a pipe dream.
Thinking about what you can "get" out of a person takes away from the good time you have with them. I know I wouldn't appreciate my grandma and grandpa as humans if I was obsessed with how much they'll leave me in the end. I saw how ugly things got when my other grandma died and I NEVER want to see the people I love and respect act like that ever again. That is not the legacy Grandma would have liked to have. It was horrible.

a thorn in the pew said...

That is a big part of the problem. This so called wife wouldn't let him see or talk to any of us for the past 10 yrs. It is criminal to separate someone that helpless from their family. Elder abuse is a bigger problem in this country than anyone imagines. I think the more assets they have or the more feeble they are, the bigger target they have on them.
If BIL wasn't a lawyer who said "he was taking care of everything" we wouldn't have thought twice. It is one of the main reasons I decided to homeschool. There is about an 80% chance the kids will have to go to public school next year and that breaks my heart. I want to at least say "I tried".

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

That is so sad. I wish you had been able to visit with him. Family issues like this are awful. Butch's grandpa just died two weeks ago and his family is MESSED UP, so I guess I was just sensitive to the issue when I ranted back there. I wish you had a better option than public school. It's just getting worse and worse out there.
I'll keep praying for family!

Bonum, Verum, Pulchrum said...

Hi Thorn in the pew,
I was also extorted once for about five thousand dollars, but a lawyer screwed me. I pray for your healing, God bless you, he takes care of everything,