What's wrong with you?

I haven't posted in too long. I've been busy with work, homeschool to-do-list and life. No one tells you homeschool can be a lonely place. I'm posting this for my sanity and to make sense of it. I have prayed for a lonnnnnng time about homeschool and I didn't take the plunge until I was certain this is what God wants for us. Money has been beyond hard. It seems as if it became much worse after I decided to homeschool. I don't know why. I have many "don't know why's" in my life lately. I'm not trying to come out of the woodwork to be a downer, but I'm also not going to post about how happy and smiley life is if it's a lie. I like truth, even when it's not pretty. I know most if not all of the people around me think I have lost it wanting to homeschool. Honestly, we couldn't afford private school anymore(even if it was still an option). Both Mr. Thorn and I work in jobs that are sales based, not salary. So when sales aren't there, we have no money. So, I am going into this homeschool, totally relying on God to lead us and provide for us, because I can't do it anymore. I can still run my business but not with the same amount of time I did before. I am hoping for miracles because I can't see, with my realistic eyes, a way for this to work. I am trusting that God sees how this will work. I have taken many leaps like this in the past but this one will have a huge impact on my children. So we are off, come what may and I really don't have a plan B.

On another note, I had another 40 day cycle. I had two rounds of labs drawn and no progesterone spike to signal the big P(even though chart was great and CM) so I am scheduled for an ultrasound this week. I'm so busy with life that I don't have time to fret over what may be wrong. I will keep you all posted.
I don't want to be discouraged, I want to have hope and be thankful. I know where fear comes from, and doubt. It is a struggle to keep them at bay. I will post on my homeschool/personal blog this week and update regularly since we are starting soon, ordering books, etc.

I can't do this. Any of this. Without God.