I'm back!

So sorry :( I have many of my blog friends on Facebook and I keep up there. Truth be told, the last 2 months have been a blur. My business and homeschool took over the months of November and December. I have also been struggling with my fertility(and lack thereof) plus going through the classes for fostering to adopt. It has been going okay, not great. I started on HCG to help with fertility/hormones. I celebrated another birthday. It was like a funeral and didn't hit me until last night. A women in the fostering class popped off a snide comment about catholics and while three of us compared notes on fertility drugs and side effects, this said woman was making odd remarks on not "speaking baby stuff". I wish I could say it's been a positive experience but I will not make a judgement call this early. We have 7 more meetings to go.

I am a bit dead on the fertility issue. 43 is not fun. Every year I have less hope, more tears and less understanding surrounding me. I want to embrace the thought of adoption. I want to believe God has a plan and these tears are a phase. So many birth announcements, babies and births. I have witnessed miracles. I have not completely lost hope. I'm just in mourning. Is that odd? I don't have anyone here, or close, that understands how it feels or why I am sad. Uhg.

So here is what I am doing. I have femara, 6 pills on CD2. Then on P plus 3 I start the HCG injections. I am on my 2nd cycle with HCG and I will test on P plus 7 to see what the hormones look like. I am also starting another round of the HCG diet back up later this week. I pray, I cry, I avoid the problem, I try to find hope. That's about it.(Maybe you can see why I took a blog break)

I needed to blog after last night's meeting. It was hard. I revealed how we lost 4 babies through miscarriage. I felt alone. I will keep blogging on the fostering/adoption. I know it helps others make a decision. I already feel betting being about to log what I am going through. I pray someday I will be able to look back at how hard this has been and that I got through it. I'm still trying to decide if hope is a good thing or deceitful.

Another quick update

Starting a new med. Fermara. 20mg CD2. I hope my ovaries don't explode. Just took them down with tea so I will keep you posted(my meds, not my ovaries). I read some other NaPro women did fab with this and my insurance covered it(since they have to, a breast cancer drug). Anyone conceive with this? I am getting labs on P+7 and if prog. level icky, he is bumping me up to 600mg(yow). Yeah, that's serious hormones. So I may check in tomorrow or over the weekend to let you know if I went nuts in the middle of the night after 20mg.
I also read women report 10 days to 2 weeks of fertile CM with this crazy method. I can't help but giggle about that....now. Will update later.