Thursday, January 15, 2009

Nerves and moving on

Today is better, symptoms gone, I think it was a fluke thing. I'm feeling better about that. On the downside, my oldest is home again(on my birthday, nonetheless) and I'm trying to convince him that he cannot keep missing school. I'm worried about him falling behind. The dr. called and his labs showed elevated white blood cell count and some other probs so we need to repeat later today. I know one thing, I'm not getting anything accomplished with my business. Between my health, now my son's, it's a mess. I'm worried that between the idiotic government law for my industry and economy, I will need to return to the workforce if some miracle does not occur.

I have the added bonus of the school here punishing my kids and I over some gay pedophile priests(between Virtus and the school programs, this issue is not going away). Do I have a choice other than home school? Is all this going to get worse with the incoming dictator? Maybe we will all have to go into hiding. Catholic churches aren't catholic anymore, neither are the schools. Bishops(majority of them) don't care about anything but finances and those of us concerned with our souls and faith are left to scrounge around for whatever crumb of true Catholicism we can find. In otherwords, Rome is burning and our leaders are busy with bingos, DPAA, fiscal viability and photo-ops for the sake of appearances. I will get over this eventually. I look for hope and goodness and get frustrated when I turn up with nada. My family has had no spiritual leader or parish for months now. Through the death of my husband's mother, the loss of our twins and the stress of financial issues, we have been on our own. This was not by choice but force and we will make it. We always do. I'm fighting being bitter.
I talked to a friend in Chicago and she was stunned by what took place in our school. She said it would never happen there. The same with the's become a farce, a circus. My children have been forced to clap and ring bells during Mass. It's really getting to be too much. I'm not a trouble-maker. If it was no big deal, there would be no issue. Liberals are forcing our children into tiny protestant hippie drones by their example. I can no longer stand by and watch and think it won't have an effect on them(it had a huge effect on me, I went feminazi in college). I'm just weary. I worry that to home school two boys with asperger's will be the death of me. I am praying for guidance. I pray always for God to lead me, to lead us. I just need a reprieve, even if it's just for a few months. Enough that my family can find a home(parish), my youngest be able to make her first communion(in peace, with no hand bells, clapping or finger plays) and we feel Christ's presence so we can escape to a church where we don't have worldliness rule in a place that should be free from that. Yes, a tall order. Sorry for my run-on sentences and brain-speak. I'm usually a happy person and content with life as it is. I'm just a woman on overload.
As a side note, I am having my first ever blog give-away in the coming week. That's a good, happy thing! Stay tuned...


Kathy said...

I am so sorry for what you're going through. We too were at a whacked out parish but were lucky enough to find a good parish a 1/2 hour away.

As for the school stuff, we had to home school. Our "catholic" schools were not an option. However, I don't have the added burden of having children with aspergers or having to work, but a lot of people do. They find a way. I'll pray you find peace of mind somehow/someway.

The other night I was really distressed about the upcoming dictator--actually worrying that he'll be quick to take away homeschooling, and I came across this prayer from St. Francis de Sales. It brought me comfort.

Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting God who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either God will shield you from suffering, or God will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace.

Beth said...

I'm praying that they relax the requirements - I have heard that it's going in the small business owner's favor. I HOPE!!!

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

I wish you could homeschool. It would take care of 99 percent of your problems but I understand, I would go bonkers, too. I think you need some sort of an angel to help you. I will pray earnestly for God to send you a real answer to your problems. Hopefully, you'll recognize it when you see it (I'm sure you will, I'm kinda dense in that area!)! It's so hard to constantly get beat down like that. I would be curled up in my bed shouting "Leave me aloooooooone!" by now.