Sometimes I forget...

I read a wonderful post over at Fr. Schnippel's blog on a speech his sister gave recently. You can read the entire text HERE.

Sometimes, life here with the boys(and their autism) is hard but it takes a witness like this(Tania) to realize how far both of my boys have come. My oldest son could not be left in a room alone because he would harm himself or break things(or run out into a busy street...yes, he knew how to undo locks and deadbolts). This was the norm until age 3.5. He would kick me in the stomach when I was pregnant with son #2. Other than a therapist coming in one or two days a week, I had very little help. We did not have a strong support system and with special needs children(who are unpredictable) play dates and friends were out. When son #2 came along, he was fine until age 4 when he received his second MMR and other vaccines. Within a month he lost toileting, speech, the ability to sleep through the night and making eye contact. He could only scribble when the other kids in kindergarten were making trees, letters, shapes and people. I was still very much alone to deal with daily life and we took everything with prayer and tears. Thankfully, they were given the opportunity to attend a Catholic school. This was a miracle and I continue to thank God everyday for this gift(as I know it is not the norm).

Both boys have been on honor roll, they have both made their First Communion, they have friends, they have a sense of humor. Last night at Mass, my oldest came out after Mass to extinguish the candles and they were very high. I was nervous. But then as I stood in the doorway, I told God silently that I wanted to preserve that image as long as I could. He reached all the candles. He loves serving at Mass. He has said "That is all I want to do, Mom". I have never forced him or pushed. In fact, I was nervous about him taking on such a task with his disability. But I covered my bases, made sure he was okay and he continues to amaze me. Autistic children shouldn't be able to be still at Mass(let alone serve at the altar). They usually don't make friends. They rarely are admitted to a "normal" Catholic school. It is rare that they "get" God or faith(because they are very literal). They not only "get" God but understand the faith and turn to prayer whenever life lodges a hard ball at them. So what happened? Why are they different among the different? Prayer. Maybe a gift from God. But as I watched my oldest in front of that amazing altar, I didn't want time to continue. I wanted him to stay little, and innocent and a miracle. But that wouldn't be God's will. So time will go on and things will change. They will grow up and I will pray that God leads them to be what He created them to be. It is hard for me not to be hopeful when they have defied the odds. Who knows what God has in store for them...
(Thank you, Father Kyle. It took the words of your sister for me to be so thankful for all I have. Autism and all.)