Friday Funnies

A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway. The conversation went like this:
Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"
Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit."
Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."
Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that."
Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.
Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"
Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 101 a few miles ago."

A woman was sitting next to a priest on a plane when a terrible storm broke out. "Can't you do something about that awful lightning?" she demanded.
"I'm sorry," the priest answered, "I'm in sales, not management."

A family came home from Church where the homily was on Adam and Eve.
The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs. She asked what he was doing.
He said, "I counted these things three times now. Mom! I think I'm having a wife."

A young couple invited their pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the priest asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day."

A little Jewish boy and a little Catholic boy are waiting for the school bus. The Jewish boy asks, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up."
The Catholic boy answers proudly, "I think I'll become a priest."
"Yeah? So what?" the Jewish boy shrugs.
"Well," the Catholic boy explains, "if I'm a really good priest they may make me a Monsignor."
"Yeah? So what?"
The Catholic boy sighs patiently. "You see, if I'm a really good Monsignor, maybe someday they'll make me a Bishop."
Unimpressed, the Jewish boy repeats, "Yeah, so what?"
A bit irritated now, the Catholic boy stresses, "If I'm a really good Bishop, someday I may get be a Cardinal."
"Yeah, so what!"
"Well," the Catholic boy says through clenched teeth, "if I'm a really good Cardinal someday I may be elected POPE!"
"Yeah, so what!"
The Catholic boy throws up his hands and shouts, "What do you want me to do? Be Jesus Christ Himself?"
"Well why not," the Jewish boy answers, "one of our boys made it!"

(many from Catholic Jokes - Enjoy the largest online collection! )