A quick one

Thank you for commenting on the fostering post awhile back. I am going through a rough patch with the 3 kids, starting them on a new diet(SCD) and not going so well. I don't think I will ever feel really good about my sons' autism. Right now, I'm in a bitter place and that is not good. I am putting too much pressure on myself to make them better, change things, change life and I just can't I know it is our goal to make sure our children have a better life than we do but sometimes, you just can't. It just doesn't work.

While I should be happy for pregnant friends and warmer weather, I'm just feeling really down. I need to find something to hope for, as usual. Maybe I need my sons to stay autistic, to do a better job accepting them and move on with trying to "help them" overcome autism.

I'm mad at the diet, mad at the government, tired of the world becoming autistic yet feeling overwhelmed. I often think that I don't know one person in my life that could handle a week in my shoes. That's not something to be positive about, not really. Unless I think that God trusted me, knew I'd be patient and strong and although I feel alone, most of the time, it has kept me clinging to Christ all these years.

So I will pray this week, decide what to do and move on, if I need to. There has to be another way. I just have to pray that I find it.

Starting on a new me

I have been very busy trying to wrap up the end of the school year with the kids and really focus on my business. I also took my health into my own hands since no doctor has been willing to take the time and diagnose me(running lab after lab is not my idea of good medicine). I have been on the HCG Protocol Diet for 3 weeks and have lost 27 lbs. I have a lot more to lose but I have hope that I will get there. I prayed so hard for health and being able to successfully carry a child to term and I hope I am on that path. Before you jump on me about how unhealthy this is, google and read the success others have had. I looked into this for almost a year before starting. I am down a full size in clothes and can run up and down the steps and more since losing the weight. I was never diagnosed with PCOS but I did feel my age and weight were keeping me from success.
Now, the downside. I have what they call the "HCG Rash"...when you lose, it opens the fat cells and releases whatever toxins and fluids are in there. That goes to the bloodstream, hence the rash. I told Mr. Thorn to just call me Polka Dot. Hopefully it will leave quickly. Until then, I need to take it as a sign the protocol is working. The other bad thing is I have had to discontinue my progesterone at P+3 because it contains oil which will make me gain weight. I'm not sure how long I will stay on this round. I was hoping to lose about 40-45 lbs the first round so we will see. I recommend anyone who has struggled with early plateaus or little to no weight loss after much struggle to do this.
So, unlike the raw diet(which I liked a lot, to be honest), I stopped menses and it scared me so I had to quit. That is not the case with this and I have read accounts of many women who couldn't conceive until they used this protocol. I prayed to hard for this to be another dead end. I will keep you posted on my results.

Oh, also, I did some research on "Estrogen dominance" and the findings are shocking. Many men and women develop auto immune disorders and have serious fertility issues and the main culprit is COFFEE. Uhg. I ordered a substitute from Amazon, hopefully be here tomorrow. Coffee was getting me through this diet and now its gone. Yes, I was an addict. I will live. Yes, I have a headache...lol.