Going back

I'm leaving in a bit for another round of blood work. I feel very pregnant today which makes it hard. Nauseous, woozy, sore, I got it all. If I had given up hope, I wouldn't be going at all. Mr. Thorn is going with me, it is his last day off(he's still not 100%, can't eat solid food and voice is still bad). I will know tomorrow I suppose but what I will know may not even be definitive. If it continues to go up/goes up substantially I will wait awhile for another U/S and pray for a miracle. My tipped uterus makes it difficult to get anything on the sonogram and the other day was just weird. They really didn't know what they were seeing. I'm doing surprisingly well. I think I have wavered back to the hopeful camp and I blame it on the aspect of faith being "something there I cannot see". It also hit me like a ton of bricks in the middle of the night last night that I am trusting medical people and not God. It was weird. First thing I thought of when I woke in the dark last night. I also had a dream I met Hugo Chavez with my brother last night and we went to sight see in an amusement park with him. If that isn't a pregnancy dream, I don't know what is. Once this event passes, for better or worse, my blog won't be so "crisis" related. I'm just a bit on "auto pilot" right now with my life.