Saturday, February 9, 2008

I wasn't going to...

It is just a bad day. I'm fighting it to not be a bad day but "it" is winning. My brother's wife moved out this week and I was doing okay but now I'm just hopping mad. I know it will pass, I am human and right now I just can't control how I feel other than pray that it passes. I imagine it is better than avoiding it and pretending it will go away(which, as I have learned is what some family members are doing to cope). I have tried to put myself in her place and I just can't do it. I don't understand what would drive a person to just walk away from 10 plus years. The children aren't doing well(but then it just happened, we have known for a long time what was coming). It is just beyond difficult to watch it happen and other than my prayers and offerings, feel so helpless. My family doesn't have "divorce", it was not something I was ever exposed to so this is all new. It stinks and the kids are the real victims. After going on all week in this drama, it will take a miracle to save the marriage, she has already moved on. Oh, and we have two weeks of birthday parties in the family coming up. This should be a fun time. Anyway, thanks for listening to the ramblings of someone new to this whole aspect of life. What a mess.

6 comments:

cordelia said...

i'm sorry this is happening in your family. as a child of divorce i can tell you, it is devastating, utterly. the best thing you can do is to be there for your neices/nephews, offer to take them to church every chance you get! i had an aunt who did that for me and it made a deep impression...it's the reason i'm Catholic today.

a thorn in the pew said...

Thank you for sharing that. It is odd how things have a domino effect in a family when this happens. It has put us in a position where we have to shop for a new school for our kids too. I am praying for guidence. How something that is not about you, winds up affecting you and all you can do is roll with the punches and hope that you can hear God's will. That is where I am at right now.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

It was my greatest fear, as my sibs were picking out spouses, that they wouldn't choose well and someday I would end up not knowing my nieces and nephews. We don't "do" divorce in this family either, so I really feel for you right now. I can't imagine the horrible thoughts and feelings a person would have in a situation like that. I will pray for your family.

KitBrookside said...

Argh. Family drama. Sista Thorn, you are not alone!

I am currently persona non grata with my family because a few years ago, my brother left his wife (and kids) for a hotel restaurant hostess he met while on assignment in the Philippines. Nice, eh?

Being the "judgmental" type, I refused to attend their wedding this past summer - which was apparently in a Catholic (!) church in the Chicago area - because neither of them had received annulments, and between that and his appalling conduct toward his wife and my niece and nephew (my godchildren), I did not feel that it would be appropriate to attend (not to mention my children attending) what would be an illicit nuptial Mass performed by a priest who was either deceived or was deliberately overlooking the "irregularities" of the situation.

So, because I was uncomfortable placing my own family in the middle of a situation that flies in the face of what we value (loyalty, honesty, fidelity, Sacraments), I am the one in the wrong because I would not go with the flow.

Oh yeah,and I am "disloyal" because I still feel incredible outrage on behalf of my sister in law, a housewife of 17 years, who was lied to and left with nothing because she could not afford the same level of legal counsel as my brother, who had all assets in his name (over $500K), and systematically liquidated and hid them during his affair. Blood is not thicker than water in a case like this. "Legal" me was, is, and will always be disgusted by what my brother did to his family.

So anyway, as punishment for refusing to participate and welcome the new wife with tears of joy, showers of rose petals and open arms, I am no longer welcome at extended family gatherings (holidays, weddings, graduations, etc.) where my brother will be, because I am such a terrible, intolerant person. Sure. Whatever.

I am the youngest of 4 children (and survivor of my parents' bad divorce) so between the siblings and my mother, I was outnumbered and got voted off the crazy island...which, while patently unfair, is actually a relief - I have had to deal far less drama since being shunned.

Hang in there!!!

a thorn in the pew said...

Dang, Kit, you win. That is unreal. I get to face her on Sunday at my neice's party. I may sneak in a bottle of holy water in my pocket in case of an emergency. Thanks for sharing your story.

KitBrookside said...

You know what they say about truth being stranger than fiction and life imitating art...sometimes I look at the cast of characters in my family and think I should write a bad Lifetime Channel tv movie script! (LOL!)