What a night

I'm just now coherent enough to write. I was at the hospital most of the night with Mr. Thorn and kids. He had a reopening of the wound from his surgery and lost a ton of blood. Since we couldn't get it to stop the doctor had us go to the ER and meet him there. I had to dress all kids(and get snack, drinks and video games) and drove us all up to hospital. They performed the surgery at about 2:30 am and were able to cauterize the opening the stitches came out of. I went home and the doctor called me to let me know how the surgery went. I waited up until about 4 am, got the call, he did fine and I went to sleep. I got back up at 7:30 to get him from the hospital, had to get all the kids again and medicines in them and go. I knew in the back of my mind we might not get to church. I just can't do it. I'm just too weak and Mr. Thorn is completely out cold asleep. My kids are actually upset, especially my oldest. I told him I tried but it is too dangerous for me to drive like this. We will pray a rosary today. It's a miracle we got through last night, really. I told God at one point "You will have to do all this because I can't figure it out". I was supposed to be keeping my feet up, resting, no exertion because of the cramping and spotting and here I was walking miles all over the hospital with three kids. Amazingly the spotting is completely gone and the cramps have subsided. So now I'm left with tired. I can do tired. I realized that now I'm very upset and feel empty when I miss Mass. I never felt that way with the Novus Ordo Mass(most of them I should say, not all). While this feeling isn't pleasant, it is welcome because I know I am in the right place. When lack of Mass/spiritual food makes me feel lost and upset, something is right in my life. Especially when I see the same disappointment in my kids. I'm nodding off here typing. I need to stay awake to supervise kids until Mr. Thorn can take over later. What a night...