My first ultrasound

I have been on an emotional trip today. I called the doctor's office this morning about the spotting this weekend. They got an appointment with the ultrasound lab and I got in at 1 pm. I was very nervous but took my St. Gerard handkerchief with me and I knew this was in God's hands. They tried first to find it with a belly ultrasound and couldn't. I have a severely tilted uterus so they had to do a trans vaginal U/S and still had trouble seeing anything. Finally, the tech believed she saw the gestational sac, wasn't sure and then said it measured at 6w 3d. At that point, the tears started. My mom came with me and I held her hand and sobbed quietly. The tech called in a doctor to try and help and they asked if I had fibroid cysts, when did I spot, was there cramping and then left me to talk to my doctor. The doctor wanted me to go to the lab and get my hCG levels tested again and ordered them STAT.

It was very hard not to be angry, to wonder why and know I put all this in God's hands and know everything would be okay. At this point, I knew it would take a miracle. The blood work didn't go well either, she blew out a vein in my arm, then in my wrist and I can barely type let alone work. I called the doctor's office for the results and they came back incomplete. She said they were over 15,000 but no idea how far over as they were still running them at the lab. So I will call in the morning and then go back on Wednesday for more blood work too see if I am doubling. I am praying for a miracle. This pregnancy is a miracle after 2.5 years of trying. It was a miracle my levels went up early on when things looked really bad. I want so badly to believe and trust that God answers prayers. My children pray everyday for this baby. So do my parents and my friends I have met online....I just don't know. I don't know if I have another 2.5 years of fertility left. I can't see good coming from losing this baby. I get angry when I think of the pregnancy forum full of pregnant teens who want to abort their babies. It is at times like this when our faith and trust in God gets pushed to it's limits and we can't see hope nor can we see how God will take the loss of a life and make some good come from it. I see people around me who "get snipped" and have their uterus singed so that God cannot bring about life ever again(this is in my own family). It is just hard.
One glimmer of hope is I found a site of misdiagnosed miscarriages and many had a tilted uterus.
Misdiagnosed Miscarriage
After all the hope and signs I could trust God and leave all my worries about this pregnancy with Him, I just want to hold onto the hope of a miracle. That the U/S was not accurate and that our little one is hiding or somewhere they couldn't see. I need to trust and hope. Really, that's all I wanted. To know God is looking after this little baby of ours and all we needed was faith. The other bad part is having no spiritual direction. Not having a priest I can trust and confide in when life throws something like this your way is a really lonely place to be. I always had that in my life and now I can only pray. Again, hard not to get angry. I will post when I know anything.