Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Back from vacation and Femara crazies!

We took an extra long vacation and I just noticed I didn't blog while away(I should have). I am on my second cycle of Femara and it's one bizarre drug. I had a 5 day cycle(on vacation, weh) and then spotted "pink" from days 7-11. No CM...at all. No idea where I am, dr. sent me to lab last night, I'm thinking peak was way early. I am not having any bizarre symptoms but I am also not on my usual prometrium/estrodial. More people I know are pregnant. Again. I broke down the day before we left Florida and cried, a lot. I prayed for so many, to achieve pregnancy, for troubled pregnancies, adoptions. I felt selfish, guilty and kinda rotten. In the end, I had to decide if these pregnant friends and people all around me are there as torture and a cruel joke or to give me hope. God is not one to play tricks or mind games. I have prayed so many times for our desire for another child to be taken away if it is never meant to be. So now I am stuck with hope. I know few if any understand why I would want more children, with the repeated miscarriage and the chance of having yet another with autism. I can't explain the hope for life and children. It doesn't make sense but it is there and it's strong.

The vacation was good, stressful in some ways but it was a nice trip. My autistic boys need to be entertained constantly so that gets frantic after a bit. The kids wanted to go fishing in the bay which was right out our door but it was very hot and the thought of having to take barracuda off a hook with nasty teeth didn't appeal to me.
We are having to start homeschool late. We went with Seton this year and the special services dept must be overly busy now so we can't get an appointment until 9/9. I think we will go ahead and start their math early since we know what we are doing there. I need coffee. I can't believe I blogged before coffee.


the misfit said...

I'm not delighted to hear that about femara - the drug I've been lobbying my idiot RE to prescribe me for months! Maybe I need to focus my efforts on getting the depo prescription for now (I know she can get her head around why I want that) and then think more about what I want for after that. Would you mind sharing what dosage and timing you're on for femara? (I will, of course, hope that you have a really good cycle on it next month - for your sake and so I can lobby harder!)

I know the many pregnancies, including and especially among former IFers, are a burden. I've never seen much of a point to pretending they weren't, but my recent reading has given me some more ideas on that.

a thorn in the pew said...

I take 8 pills on CD2. The first month it was sort of normal but this month I had the spotting days 7-11. Now if I wind up preg(miracle of miracles), then you will need to lobby harder, of course. I read that it is a great drug and does not increase chances of miscarriage of which I have lost 4 babies to MC. In that respect, it is a good thing. Now the spotting this was not painful, just an inconvenience. So don't discount Femara yet ;)