I haven't dealt with the loss for awhile, just haven't been in the mood. The spotting has continued, the cramping hasn't fully stopped. I'm reading up tonight on what has happened. I believe that more tissue passed a few weeks ago(around the 4.5 week mark from the D&C). Here is what was on the site I read:
Some tissue was missed during your D&C or natural miscarriage. A bit of placenta clung to the wall of the uterus. It continued to draw a little blood, and the body continued to create very small amounts of pregnancy hormone. Eventually the body realized no baby was there and turned loose of this last bit of tissue. The miscarriage process begins again. Only now will your levels drop to zero and a new cycle begin. You cannot expect a normal period any sooner than four weeks from this, and up to seven weeks could still be normal. Your total wait time from original miscarriage to first period can creep up to nine or ten weeks and still be normal.
So things aren't normal(well according to the above it is). I want to get to a doctor who can help me. I want to get healthy and be able to move on. I still feel pregnant sometimes, have cravings, get dizzy, feel nauseous. Last week I called my OB, he gave me the option(again) of being on the pill. At my age, I don't want to mess with the fertility period I have left in my life. I want to start charting the Creighton method again but nothing is normal and I can't see a sign of a cycle.
So that's where things are hovering.
I'm open to adoption. I'm open to whatever God wants me to do. I don't know what that thing is. I pray that I will know(so I don't miss it). I write what I am going through on this blog to help others. I have gleaned so much from other women online. It is a lonely place. Catholic women share a membership to a private club. Fertility and miscarriage is a different place when you are a Catholic woman. Sometimes the only way to live and be productive is to pretend it doesn't exist. I'm just being honest. Maybe it's denial, I look at it as survival. I need to focus on my family and my business and pray that God helps me to do that. If I need to avoid my pain and this cross, sometimes it is my only weapon. Even if it is only temporary.