Today

I had my D&C today. This was by far, the hardest day yet. My hope was that my faith and possibly a priest could help and comfort me today. I couldn't stop the tears during the pre-op. Things were hard, went wrong, thankfully my mom and friend were there. I was still in so much pain after the surgery and I hadn't had that before. They had to give me something in the IV to help. It wasn't until everything was over and I read the "material" on the way home that I realized it was worse. They bless the babies(which is good and expected) but I received a generic new age prayer I don't know what to call it in my time of suffering(from a Catholic hospital). I thought I would write it here in case I am crazy and this has some imprimatur that I am unaware of:

The hearts of faith and the minds of science tell us that life on this earth first came from creative waters.
May this small shell which has held waters of blessing be a reminder for us of the Great Love which creates us, sustains us and gathers us into the circle of life.
(Provided by the Family Birth Place
Saint Elizabeth Medical Center)

The other material on miscarriage I received was from the Gundersen Lutheran Medical Foundation. That was it. My friend said it was a good thing I didn't press the pastoral care issue, there was no priest, only some woman. The glimmer of hope I had in getting some solace and comfort in a Catholic hospital was a pipe dream. The whole experience was about as spiritual and Catholic as Wal-Mart. Then as I was coming to, I faintly heard someone singing Ave Maria. My heart sank as I realized it was the pope-hater, Barbra Streisand. I'm glad to be home. With my pictures of Mary and Jesus, my Catholic reading and my comfy couch and heating pad(and pain meds). I can tell you, last year when I had my miscarriage, it was different. I found my prayer card they gave me, a priest came and had some words of comfort and they didn't rush me out like today when I could barely walk or dress. The day is almost over and in my past(thank God). I have no idea how I will muddle through Christmas. My dreams of babies and the future of our family have changed so much that I am both sad and numb. I will try to muster finding hope and something to look forward to in the short term.
I share my experience for someone who may feel alone in their miscarriage journey. I now understand why our homes need to be tiny models of the Church. Sometimes you can't find Catholic in our hospitals, our schools or even our churches. It is in these times we will be thankful for our Catholic homes. I know I am of mine.