Thursday, December 11, 2008

Today


I had my D&C today. This was by far, the hardest day yet. My hope was that my faith and possibly a priest could help and comfort me today. I couldn't stop the tears during the pre-op. Things were hard, went wrong, thankfully my mom and friend were there. I was still in so much pain after the surgery and I hadn't had that before. They had to give me something in the IV to help. It wasn't until everything was over and I read the "material" on the way home that I realized it was worse. They bless the babies(which is good and expected) but I received a generic new age prayer I don't know what to call it in my time of suffering(from a Catholic hospital). I thought I would write it here in case I am crazy and this has some imprimatur that I am unaware of:

The hearts of faith and the minds of science tell us that life on this earth first came from creative waters.
May this small shell which has held waters of blessing be a reminder for us of the Great Love which creates us, sustains us and gathers us into the circle of life.
(Provided by the Family Birth Place
Saint Elizabeth Medical Center)

The other material on miscarriage I received was from the Gundersen Lutheran Medical Foundation. That was it. My friend said it was a good thing I didn't press the pastoral care issue, there was no priest, only some woman. The glimmer of hope I had in getting some solace and comfort in a Catholic hospital was a pipe dream. The whole experience was about as spiritual and Catholic as Wal-Mart. Then as I was coming to, I faintly heard someone singing Ave Maria. My heart sank as I realized it was the pope-hater, Barbra Streisand. I'm glad to be home. With my pictures of Mary and Jesus, my Catholic reading and my comfy couch and heating pad(and pain meds). I can tell you, last year when I had my miscarriage, it was different. I found my prayer card they gave me, a priest came and had some words of comfort and they didn't rush me out like today when I could barely walk or dress. The day is almost over and in my past(thank God). I have no idea how I will muddle through Christmas. My dreams of babies and the future of our family have changed so much that I am both sad and numb. I will try to muster finding hope and something to look forward to in the short term.
I share my experience for someone who may feel alone in their miscarriage journey. I now understand why our homes need to be tiny models of the Church. Sometimes you can't find Catholic in our hospitals, our schools or even our churches. It is in these times we will be thankful for our Catholic homes. I know I am of mine.

13 comments:

irishmd said...

I'm so sorry that you weren't able to find the support and comfort at the hospital. It's terrible that you felt alone in a "Catholic" hospital during a time when you were and are in great need. Know that you are in my and my husband's prayers today and throughout this season. God Bless.

Cathy said...

God be with you, sweet Thornie.

:(

the Mom said...

God bless you and be with you on this most difficult day, and may your own sweet saints pray for the peace and comfort of their mother.

AS one who has walked this road, my heart aches for you. You are in my prayers this evening.

Love,
the Mom

Beth said...

We're praying for you.

Adrienne said...

The Catholic Church WILL rebuild and good priests WILL rise again, out of the ashes of the closed churches, and replace the deviates that have ruined our Church. I am so sorry you could not obtain solace and Blessings from a bona fide Catholic Priest - and the prayer is probably from a well-meaning individual who hasn't a clue about The Catholic Faith - not to worry - you know Catholic prayers, and your heart is all Jesus wants as you follow His Teachings in His Church.

Take solace in Christ Himself, who is The Great Priest and tends to you when no earthly priest does.

I am sorry for your babies not being with you here, and for your other sufferings; yet, you have much to give The Lord and He will not forget you or your babies. My prayers are with you.

cordelia said...

you're in my prayers.
that "prayer" was crap.

andnotbysight said...

I'm so sorry that you have had the physical pain and the disappointment in the Catholic hospital added to your suffering! That prayer is ridiculous for a Catholic hospital. It's not even actually phrased as a prayer! I'll continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

cordelia said...

when you feel physically better come to the 11:30 Mass (daily) at St. Gerts. (except on Tuesday). the Dominicans are "sharing" their community mass with the parish during Advent and Christmas. there is no latin, it's N.O. and sometimes there are EMHC...BUT all the novices are there, they chant the intoit, the psalms, and offertory, after mass they chant the mid-day psalms and let me tell you, hearing some psalms that cry out to God in despair instead of the usual "happy psalms" has really helped me. if you get there by 11:00am you can pray the rosary, if you come on wed. or thurs. there is adoration after mass.

Barb said...

I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your precious babies. A prayer going up for you...
This brings to my mind when I had my miscarriage and follow-up D&C...in a Catholic hospital with no comfort there either. Only a nurse that told me not to cry in post-op where they put me with all the new mothers. (She didn't want me to make them feel bad.) It was an awful experience and I can remember that pain like it was yesterday. My deepest sympathy to you... may our dear Lord surround you with His comfort and peace.

Samantha said...

you are so brave to blog this. peace be with you.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

I wish I could have been there to do your dishes, clean your house and offer my shoulder. I would have also arranged the funeral/memorial and anything else you needed. So sorry.

Kit said...

I'm so very, very sorry for all you've endured. May Our Blessed Mother wrap you in her mantle and hold you as you heal.

FloridaWife said...

THAT's not even a prayer -- more like a poem. I am so sorry you couldn't even receive spiritual support at that hospital.