Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Busy, busy

It's pouring here this morning and it's my son's birthday. I am trying to finish all my work early so we can go to dinner tonight. I've been working so much lately, even through the weekend to catch up.
I'm trying to get productive early since I have so much to accomplish today. My brain doesn't start being "creative" until after 9 am but I need to force it with some coffee this morning.
Yesterday was weird(hard) as I saw a woman in town I know was pregnant at the same time I was with my first miscarriage. It is hard to see her little girl and not get melancholy as mine would be the exact same age. Apparently, she is pregnant again and looks to be as far along as I would have been had I carried the child. I know God puts these situations before me as an opportunity to remember my children and offer up the suffering it brings for something worthwhile. I am, at the same time, aware of how human and weak I am when it hurts because of the loss, not being able to hold them and love them here on earth. Anyway, I don't want to drudge up yesterday's emotions today, I have to be focused. I'm sure other women have gone through this and that helps knowing I am not alone.
I have a meme to do via Tracy this week and will get on that task later this evening.


Tracy said...

((Hugs)) Mrs. Thorn, you are not alone in those emotions at all. Two of my very good friends are both pregnant right now and each time I am around them I realize that I myself will never know the excitement of another pregnancy, but I offer that up to God and I thank him for my children and that has helped. But, then there is my human side and that voice that says (gee, no fair) and then I actually feel like crap and all guilty, its not my friends fault and then I feel all around bad, I am sad that I will never carry another child and I am sad that I am being envious of my friends, and then I have to Pray some more for God to help me, it is quite the cycle for me, ha!! But, I am getting better, I just keep thanking God, my mom always told me thank God for all things, good and bad, but I am the type that always thanks for the good and not the bad times.

Sorry, I am rambling, I just want you to know, you are very normal to have these feelings, I too have those feelings and it is not fun and it is not easy, and you will continue to be in my prayers. Blessings to you today and happy birthday to your son!!

gemoftheocean said...

I think you do well not to suppress your natural emotions. An aunt of mine had two stillborn children. One who was about a year older than me. Another would have been almost the same age as me. There were little markers in the church cemetery for them. And in later childhood I realized that probably when she looked at me, she sometimes thought of them. I never mentioned them to her, not wanting to bring up the subject...but I always had a special hug for her. When I visited the cemetery, I always made a point to visit these little ones too.

Anonymous said...

i miss my miscarried babies still & mourn the fact i probably won't have any more bambinos!