Holy Week at the end.

It is hard to wrap up Lent, even Holy Week for that matter. I never know what to expect but every year, since coming back to the faith, I find heartache and adversity. I used to be afraid of Lent for this reason. As I have grown older and further in my faith, I have seen my strength and conviction deepened during this sometimes painful journey. I witness others suffering or muddling through with little or no faith and sometimes feel guilty that I have this gift and feeling unworthy. I lived such a wretched life before coming back to the Church and struggle daily with old habits, bouts of anger and frustration, probably typical things but they get to me and I feel like "How far have I come, really?"

Last night my oldest son was sobbing during stations. For the first year the reality of Christ's passion hit him. While it was a minor triumph to see him "get it" it was hard not knowing how to console him other than explaining the redemption/end of the story scenario to him. He talks a lot of wanting to be a priest and I don't know how his autism will effect that dream. I tell all of my children that they should pray that God leads them to be who they were created to be. Thinking back I wanted to be Cher, and architect, an actor, a director, a Carmelite, an interior designer....and things worked out differently for me. So I pray and I hope that my kids are given what they need to become who God wants them to be. I have asked for the intersession of Father Solanus Casey after learning of him(especially for my sons). Solanus Casey Guild and The Father Solanus Casey Center have information about his life. Here is an excerpt of an article about his formation years that is so moving:

In 1892, Barney entered St. Francis (archdiocesan) Seminary in Milwaukee. Finding the studies there very difficult, he was told he might be better off seeking a vocation with a religious order. In 1896, he received a letter of acceptance from the Capuchin Franciscan Friars at St. Bonaventure Monastery in Detroit, Michigan. The following year, he received the Franciscan habit and the name Solanus (after St. Francis Solano, a Spanish Franciscan missionary who died in Peru in 1610). Studying for the priesthood was again a real struggle, but he managed to be ordained in 1904 as a simplex priest. This meant that Father Solanus could celebrate Mass, but not hear confessions or give doctrinal sermons. That is, he should restrict himself to talks of an inspirational nature.

(From the article, Father Solanus Casey: Will He Be Beatified Soon? (Part I) found at americancatholic.org)
I don't want to get off topic but it is a wonderful story of simplicity and God's grace. We will be coloring eggs today and trying to prepare our house for the First Communion party in a few weeks. It is too cold for April here and especially for Easter.