Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The last visit

I couldn't post yesterday. I went for my D&C follow-up and it went, not so good. The nurse(whom I like), saw me in the crowded waiting room and asked how I was doing. I said "not so good" and then started to cry and couldn't stop. A room full of happy pregnant ladies and I couldn't stop crying. To make matters worse, I waited over 45 minutes past my time to get in a room. I was relieved to get out of there. I waited about 20 minutes in the room for the doctor. He asked me some questions and then did the exam to make sure everything was okay. Just when I thought it was over, the lecture started. He pressured me three times(after telling him I have used NFP my entire married life) to use birth control. Did I mention he is Catholic and this was at a Catholic hospital? He basically said it was unfair to put my "loved ones" through this again so soon. I stayed firm, didn't get emotional, and let the venom roll off me(until I got out of there then I lost it in the car).
I didn't "plan" this pregnancy. I didn't ask to have my babies taken. I am not getting 100% support from family, either. Thankfully, my mom and dh have been there for me and understand I'm not going to waiver on my pro-life stance. I am not going to just be pro-life when it is convenient or comfy for those around me. I don't want to stop God's grace in our lives, whatever and wherever that may lead. To add to the drama this week, we just found out my atheist cousin and his family are coming for Christmas. Lord help me. I am trying to muster the strength to get some wrapping and baking done. I am battling the first migraine I have had in months. It has to be the cold. It's like 2 outside. I don't handle the cold well. I also get totally freaked out over people who have no shelter during this cold spell. It literally keeps me up at night thinking about it(and the pets people leave outside).
Side note: I have to bring up this whack dream. I was at a convention with my family. It got very "X-Files" about midway. I learned that some of the people there were either demons or aliens and had to protect my family. They managed to ensnare most of the people there who were familiar to me. At that point, I started reciting every prayer I knew in Latin and it freaked out the demon-alien people and they recoiled. Then, my husband let the kids get outside(of our hotel room, I think) and the head demon-alien lured us to what looked like a cabbage patch and started some crazy ritual to "plant" us and change us into their Borg-like collective. Then in my dream, I woke up and looked at the clock and saw it was after 7am and panicked so I woke up(in real life) tried to wake my husband to tell him he was late for work. It was really 5:40. I don't have a moral to this story. I may want to suggest you not eat sour cream and onion chips before bed(even if there are only a few in the bag). The end.


Anonymous said...

doctor: what an a**.

Lily said...

You are such a brave woman, may God bless you and your family this Christmas.

Just keep your glass full over the next couple of days. Mimosas are wonderful for providing vitamin C, and a little fuzz around the edges of life without drinking too much. You can sip them all day while doing what you need to do!

You are in my prayers.


Sew Infertile said...

You go girl! Shove it right back in his face! Prove to him you are more convicted about your beliefs than he is in his pi$$ poor way to take care of patients. To me it is like a slap in the face when they offer the birth control pill. They care not for the dignity of women. It is up to you and me to say NO to them. We must fight for our gift of fertility/infertility in the culture of death.

LarryD said...

thorn - I'll be praying for you this Christmas. Scripture says the prayers of a righteous man avails much...but I'm hoping He makes an exception in my case!

As to the dream - I wish you had posted a big disclaimer before you described it...I'll probably have screwy dreams now! ;-)

Merry Christmas and may God bless you and your family.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

What's really sick is that that doctor can't see that his "merciful advice" is really even harder on you than if he would just help you figure out how to KEEP the babies that you have no problem conceiving (at least, you didn't this time). It's so twisted! It's completely backward. I really don't get it. They push and try so hard to help women get pregnant with all kinds of questionable, harmful methods. They push and try so hard to prevent pregnancy with questionable, harmful methods...THEN, when someone comes to them who has more than one miscarriage they say "you should just give up, this is too hard". FOR WHOM? Why can't they see that the thing you need most is someone to understand that you are grieving and (if they asked ANY mother) that to get pregnant again wouldn't necessarily mean a bad thing for the mom or the family? I got pregnant right after the first miscarriage. I lost that baby too but I wouldn't change anything about what I did. God has a plan and I trust Him. I can look back now and know what that was (even if I don't completely understand) and know that I needed all of those experiences to make things right in my life. I can't believe it, but I can actually THANK GOD for the miscarriages to make me truly understand the value of life.
Sorry for the ramble, you don't have to post this comment if you don't want to.

I think God must love you VERY much. I am still holding you in my heart.

Agnes B Bullock said...

I will pray for you and your family over this loss. I just found your blog today, and my heart breaks for all that you have undergone. I have Catholic OBGYNs attempt to prescribe bc to me for irregularity and I refused on the grounds of their being abortifacients. What a sham that doctor and hospital are.

My husband and I are married alost six years now, and our marriage has always been open to life, yet no life has come. My loss is far less than your and I grieve for you with all my heart. I wish that I could spare you this suffering.

Your parish travails are similar to ours (we are in the diocese of albany, NY)

Agnes B Bullock said...

May God bless you in this time of pain. I wish that I were as strong as you with my infertility and other pain. Our parish situation is similar to yours, as is our frustration., I will pray for you tonight, and for your beloved angels in heaven

Rebecca said...

I've heard that the majority of American Catholics think birth control should be "allowed" by the church, so I guess it's not that suprising. Sad, shocking even, but expected. Look in the pews, where are all the families of six, seven, twelve kids? I think I know of two large families at our church. I feel your anguish. I hate seeing the ads for birthcontol at my GYN's office. I always wonder where the ads for NFP are.b

Exspectantes said...

I'm praying for you my dear!

(Also praying for that doctor...grr)

Mrs. L said...

I have been reading your posts and my heart goes out to you so very much! I remember after my first miscarriage going back for my checkup and sitting in the waiting room with the other pregnant ladies...when I write it out it seems so simple, but those times were when I bore some of my most intense suffering ever. I can relate to what you’re going through so much and I want to reassure you that every little suffering that you are going through has value to God! The terrible "Catholic" doctor, your continued emotional suffering,migraines, hosting family when God only knows how bad of a time it is for you...it all has a place in God plans. Rest and rest some more! In hard times I also think about something Blessed Mother Teresa said...that when God loves us so much, he gives us his "kiss of suffering.":) You will be in my prayers.

Dymphna said...

After I lost my baby the doctor did bring up birth control but I said I didn't want to hear about it. I called my pastor and cried to him. He boosted my confidence about telling the doctor that I wasn't going to use anything but NFP.It's amazing how insensitive people can be.

gramps said...

Peter denied Christ three times so I guess it is suitable that this doctor did the same three times with you suggesting you deny God's gift of life.

My wife and I have been married almost 45 years and have three children with soon to be six grandchildren. We are Catholics and ignorantly used birth control to space and limit our children. today, if we have any regrets, it is that we did not have as many children as God would have given us. My wife did have a miscarrage after our first and we practiced birth control after that. "loved ones" truly love when they unite their marriage to Christ and our wonderful Catholic teaching. This 'doctor' needs some help in saving his soul and I think it makes sense for you to pressure him three times to save his soul for eternity for his own sake and that of his 'loved ones' since you seem to be way ahead of him and me.

gramps said...

And one more thing, I think it is cool that like Mary in this season, you have said yes to God, not wait until I think it is right Lord with birth control.

Take heart in the fact that you are in some pretty good company.

FloridaWife said...

*sigh* How sad you have to get birth control inquiries from a Catholic doctor in a Catholic hospital. I think I would have reprimanded him right then and there.

Cathy said...

And I would have kicked him in the groin for you, Thornie.

You are always in my thoughts and daily prayers.

St. Gerard, pray for us.