Wednesday, March 12, 2008

It's starting...


Today's mail contained a big box of baby things. All the stuff companies send when you sign up for the free formula, diapers and magazines at the doctor's office have begun to arrive. It's a day of weakness, I suppose as Lent is drawing to a close. I fight it but it is hard not to be sad when I can't hold two of my babies and then I know all the reminders are on the way. I can't stop hoping. God has not taken away that desire for more children. I've prayed that if it is not to be, that I may no longer have such a strong desire for more children. It remains and I get sad. As much as I love seeing babies and genuinely feel happy for those mothers, I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt. My daughter asked why they are sending things for the baby(the box is HUGE). I told her the company didn't know we lost the baby. She said that maybe we can use it for the next baby who will really come. I told her "just keep praying, sweetie". She replied "Mom, it's not working". Without thinking I said "It will someday". I know she wants a baby just as much as I do. She told me the other day that she will probably never get her own baby because she wants to be a nun. I told her just to pray that she becomes what God wants her to be. Uhg, God help me get through this.

7 comments:

Tracy said...

I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard day, I also have days like that.. I am unable to have more babies and at age 34 I still have so much longing for more and each day (I kid you not) I have to give it to God or I don't think I could go on.
I am praying for you!!

Exspectantes said...

So many prayers...sometimes there aren't words in our prayers to the Lord of our desires, just groans. Sometimes we don't have words of comfort for another, we can only offer our prayers and hugs.

a thorn in the pew said...

Thank you both. I pray that God gives you comfort, Tracy. It is hard to have constant reminders. Pray is all we have(well, besides God and family :)

Ma Beck said...

Prayers for you, sweet Thornie!

MT said...

I am so sorry about your loss. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

May I please ask for prayers? My name is Maria, I'm 41, and recently married (6/16/07). My husband and I want children very much. However we haven't been able to concieve yet. I had an issue with ovarian cysts. On Feb. 12th 2008 I had surgery to get rid of them. On that day the doctor told me I had severe endometriosis, massive adhesians (which is why they had to do the stomach opening surgery), and the two cysts were endometriomas. I was devastated. I never knew I had endomtriosis. Growing up though I knew a girl who was married and had endometriosis. I remember she had trouble getting pregnant. Unfortanately I lost touch with her so I do not know if she was able to have children. I pray she was able to have them.

I know I am blessed to have such a wonderful Catholic husband. He would make such a great Dad. I feel bad that I might not be able to give him children.

I have a devotion to the Blessed Mother and the Rosary. I pray the Rosary every day especially when I'm feeling down about my recent diagnosis. I'd LOVE to hear from other Catholic ladies. Maybe you could pray for me and send an encouraging word or two?

prayrosary4life@aol.com

May God Bless you.

Maria

KitBrookside said...

Thorn, you know I'm there with you, prayers, virtual hugs, and all manner of positive thoughts are en route!

a thorn in the pew said...

mt,
I will keep you in my prayers. I will not give up hope. One thing I would reccomend is to visit a shrine dedicated to our Blessed Mother in the coming months. That is good for the marriage and to petition Our Lady for the gift of life. God bless.