Friday, September 28, 2007

I'm sorry

The results weren't good today. The baby never grew past five weeks and I have been diagnosed with a blighted ovum. Thank you to all who prayed. I don't understand as I had hoped and prayed so much I was sure so much good would come from this miracle but that didn't happen. I had a hard time telling the kids, they thought it was their fault and that maybe God didn't feel they were responsible enough for a baby. I'm still in shock and so so sad. I can't see any good coming from this. Just being honest. I see many here teetering in their faith(my family and also outside) and many were praying for this miracle.
Right now I'm mad that I need help spiritually and I have no priest. I'm sad and confused with a lot of "why's" and emptiness. I have to go for the D&C tomorrow and I'm so scared. It was so painful. Mad at this diocese, the corruptness and the crap that has left many of us with no home and no comfort or help in time of need. I just want to be away from here. I am emotional right now and aware of it. I best stop before I say anything else.
Anyway, thank you for the prayers. I just don't want my fertile days to be over. I'm not handling things well because of my age either. I know I will spend the weekend in pain and crying. God, give me strength.

17 comments:

cordelia said...

i'm so sorry you are suffering so...will pray that your faith be strengthened.

Tracy said...

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Lily said...

Me as well, I'm praying for strength and peace for your family. God be with you all.

Heather said...

I'm sorry you are having to walk this road. You are in my prayers.

Kristin said...

Please accept my condolences. May Our Mother of Sorrows comfort you during your time of loss. Be assured of my prayers for you.

Ma Beck said...

Oh, sweet, sweet girl.
I am so, so sorry.
If you need ANYTHING, you ask me.
And if you need a great priest to talk to, you tell me. I have Father Kolinski's email, and he would be glad to talk to you.
My deepest, most heartfelt sympathy.

gemoftheocean said...

My prayers go out to you and yours. No prayer is ineffective. We do not always get what we desire, but I believe if we pray for strength to deal with what comes, we may be given strength to cope. A few weeks ago, my priest said in his homily that when we are given crosses - we can't carry them alone - and that is when we should take them to Jesus to help us bear them in the holy sacrifice of the Mass. Please never feel you don't "have a parish" you always have Jesus.

God bless you and yours,
Karen

Father Kyle said...

I'll add you in to my intentions at Mass today, and pray that the Archangels can give you solace and comfort.

Val said...

I am so sorry for your pain. I experienced a miscarraige a few years ago. Here is something that made me feel better: http://www.innocents.com/
This is the Church of the Holy Innocents. They have a 'Book of Life' in which they will enter the name of your unborn child (you can name him/her at the website). A candle is always lit in their memory, and people pray there all day long. Mass is celebrated in honor of these babies and their families the first Monday of every month. It's small, but comforting. I read your blog daily and have been praying for you, and will continue to do so.

Raulito said...

Remembering you at Mass today.

Lynne said...

I'm so sorry. Prayers will be said for all of you tonight.

Mac McLernon said...

Praying for you, Thorn

Angela said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for your family.

Amber said...

You have my prayers and thoughts... May the Lord give you peace and bring comfort to you and your family.

FloridaWife said...

I'm back from my weekend away and have logged in to see what was going on with you. I'm so sorry to see this post right now. I was praying for you throughout the weekend. Peace be with you.

Anita Moore said...

I am truly sorry for your loss. Bl. Margaret of Castello, pray for her!

Seven times blessed said...

I am so sorry. I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago--I can only say that we each have our particular mission on this earth and those special children are able to complete theirs quickly. My children still talk about Max and how they will see him in Heaven. May God give you comfort and peace. I will continue to pray for you.