Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Update on life

Well last cycle came and went. I have been feeling rather yucky for the past two days. I started the supplements yesterday and you know, I just need to start eating better. I'm tired of not being able to keep up with life and my kids(sometimes). These supplements have me thinking healthy and feeling motivated. I just need a plan. It seems like whenever my husband and I have a plan to eat healthy and lose some weight, tragedy sets in and we go back to survival mode. I faxed over my BBT chart this morning and I just know he will bump me up to 200 mg on the clomid. This is sure to have side effects at that dosage. I'm fairly certain that is what landed me in the hospital last week. The abdominal pains were intense enough to worry me into the emergency room.

I need to focus on business and get things completed before vacation. I won't be able to handle the stress of outstanding orders and packing in one week. I'm up early feeling crampy and I should just get to work. I need to try and get the kids to Mass either tomorrow or Friday. I'm so hopeful about all things at our parish that I'm really not concerned with "that" aspect of my life right now. Looking back on the last year, I see that all things happen for a reason. There are still some horrible things that happened that cannot be reversed but I have to stay hopeful. A dear priest I know always says to me "who are you that you think you shouldn't have to suffer?" That may sound harsh but wiser words have never been spoken(to me). I think this is one reason I have such issues with Protestant mentality on suffering. Because I know God allows it for good reason. We have to trust that reasoning, it's part of our faith. In so many aspects of my life I try to pick the fruit before it is ripe and it is God that slows me down. He is the "whoa" so to speak. I look at the calender and see that I am getting older and worry about how much longer I have to bear a child. I need to get healthy so I can carry that child.

On a much more positive note, my daughter had a heart to heart with me yesterday and said "Mom, I just want to be a nun and a teacher. I think that will make me happy". Wow. She is six, mind you. Even if that never comes into fruition, it helps this mom feel like I am at least on the right path with my kids. Even if it is just for a day, sometimes I need that.


Lily said...

Years ago, clomid sent me to the hospital with pains. Since then, it broke my pattern of difficulties, I had six children. I am sure you know how well it works or you wouldn't be on it. Just wanted to provide a vote of confidence.

I talk often about redemptive suffering. Yea, I make a great dinner guest, lol. No one 'gets it' anymore. My students are sick of hearing me talk about it.

Lily said...

Oops, hit send by accident. I wanted to add, hang in there, and keep your head up. Enjoy your vacation. It will do much to reinvigorate you. God bless.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

Oh, I am praying so hard for you. It's really hard to pray for God's Will with patience, but that is what I hope you are graced with! It's so easy for me to say (being preggers with numbah 6, 8th pregnancy) but the funny/ironic thing is that I never planned to have a big family. So I guess God knows best (although, that knowledge won't stop me from asking Him some pretty serious questions if I ever get There...I've got a whole, big, growing list!). Bless you!